Western Courier

Originally posted by

LaLa

... Yeah, yeah...I'm a prude...whatever. Funny I never went through all that unnecessary drama or insecurity or "buyer's remorse" the next morning. ...etc.

Yeah, you kind of are a prude, I hate to say. Not only that, you're assuming that what's good for you is what's good for everybody else. It's cool if you want a relationship before you have sex, that's fine, but again... it doesn't mean that everybody else has to be in a relationship just to get laid.

Furthermore, how is sleeping with somebody you just met or having sex outside a relationship "degrading" oneself? If neither person has any issue with it, then what's the problem? There have been times when women have basically invited themselves to my place, and I have let them, fully knowing what their intentions are. And the funny thing is, the next morning, I didn't have any drama, insecurity or remorse because I fully understood what was happening. And no, I don't have sex to "fit in" or to "fix" what is "wrong" with me. (What does that even mean, anyway?)

I hear what you're saying about people in cycles of marriage, divorce and raising children. I see it too, but sex outside of relationships is not the sole cause of those issues. I imagine lack of protection, lack of thinking things through, rushing into things and marrying a total douchebag probably also has something to do with it too, no?

All of that aside, a little common sense goes a long way. One or both persons using protection along with avoiding ejaculation during coitus does wonders for avoiding pregnancy. Who would have guessed?

Just make it consensual, safe and any intentions perfectly clear and you'll have a damn good time.

Originally posted by

LaLa

How about just developing some maturity and self restraint instead of just looking around for someone you barely know to hop into bed with? How about nurturing a real relationship that's based on real love and trust instead of just lust before making the decision to give your body to a person? Yeah, yeah...I'm a prude...whatever. Funny I never went through all that unnecessary drama or insecurity or "buyer's remorse" the next morning. No, I didn't wait until marriage to have sex, and no my husband wasn't my "first time" but I never slept with anyone outside a real relationship and I've never regretted that. It's probably one big reason why I've been very happily married for nearly 12 years while many other people I know have been in a never ending revolving door of relationships or married and divorced, a few multiple times, some stuck raising children they either had in the marriage or by someone they were just fooling around with all on their own without support of any kind including financial and whether they have children or not their lives are nothing but drama. I'm not even religious, I'm agnostic so it isn't even a religious thing, it's a "do the logical thing to avoid having issues and to respect yourself" thing. Listen, you don't have to sleep with anyone to "fit in" and you don't have to degrade yourself by sleeping with someone you barely know or don't know at all or with someone you know you'll never have a serious committed relationship with. You don't have to go whore yourself out (this applies to men as well, btw) because some silly article in some sad excuse for a newspaper tells you that it's what everyone's doing and insinuates that if you aren't doing it there must be something wrong with you or you must do this or that to "fix" what's supposedly "wrong" with you. Yes, sex is natural, yes sex is an urge we all have, but we DO have the ability to control it (one thing that differentiates us from wild animals) and to survive without it if we haven't found the right person yet that deserves the honor of having access to our body.

Obviously....you're a man. LOL!!! Actually I don't think LaLa is a prude at all, I think (and I am assuming LaLa is a female) she speaks a great deal of sense. The type of people and situations you are talking about are a rare bird indeed. Often women go into it thinking that it's just a casual thing, and then find that after the deed is done, there is an emotional thing going that they didn't expect, or that the seeds of were there all along but they didn't realize that was their motivation for sleeping with the person, OR....they actually were emotionally as well as physically attracted to the guy and thought that having sex with that guy when the opportunity presented itself would cause emotional things to happen for the guy too and would get a relationship "jump started." Believe me, it happens and it happens ALL THE TIME. Right or wrong, men are WAY more able to see sex as a totally casual thing and see it that way afterwards too (note to the ladies out there who are thinking that sex will spur a guy into a relationship with you.) I'm not saying men are bad because of that, it just IS.

Look, this is a very complicated issue and I could elaborate on why I believe much of what LaLa says is right on and why I agree and disagree with some of your points too. Let's just say though that even when someone tries to be safe and does everything "right", things still happen sometimes. The best advice I was ever given was that if someone wasn't someone that you would want to be the father (or mother in the reverse) of your children (even if you don't necessarily plan on having any) then they aren't someone you should be sleeping with. If they're not someone that would actually BE a parent, definitely not.

There's a very immature attitude about sex nowadays...it doesn't need to be something kept in the dark like ages past, but I think it has gone way too far the other direction. Sex is viewed by many as just "something to do" like taking a walk or playing a game of football or whatever by many nowadays. Sex should be something revered and respected because it is (and should be) a very powerful thing, both physically AND emotionally. Take either component out and it is not what it was meant to be. Talk to any woman who has had casual sex and then had sex with someone that she was really in love with and they'll tell you the difference in a heartbeat. Our bodies shouldn't be handed around like candy from those complimentary candy dishes you find on secretaries' desks. People should respect themselves and part of having respect for yourself is knowing that you are special enough to only give what you have to offer to someone that deserves it. It's a hard concept to put into words, but it's something everyone should think about.

[QUOTE]Often women go into it thinking that it's just a casual thing, and then find that after the deed is done, there is an emotional thing going that they didn't expect. ... Believe me, it happens and it happens ALL THE TIME. Right or wrong, men are WAY more able to see sex as a totally casual thing and see it that way afterwards too...[/QUOTE]

What you say is true, but not to that extent. Not to mention what you are saying is stereotyping both genders to a certain degree. Believe it or not, there are actually a lot of guys out there who don't like sleeping with women they aren't emotionally involved with. On the other hand, there are a lot of women who have no problem sleeping around and even use men for sex. I'm very sure the statistics for both of these is much higher than you implied.

I mean, I've been used for sex by a woman before, and so has a friend of mine, also a male (who doesn't like sex outside of a relationship.) I've also had two women, at the same time, shamelessly tell me that they use men for sex. I mean, I'm all about not holding back and enjoying yourself WHILE MAKING YOUR INTENTIONS PERFECTLY CLEAR, but deception (implying and hinting at a relationship and then bailing after the sex) is entirely different. So it's not just men thinking of sex as a casual thing and women becoming emotionally invested, it's very often the other way around. And yeah, I'm not denying that women get used for sex by men; I'm just saying women do it to men way more often than you think.

(I find it sad that people deceive others and have no empathy for their feelings just to get some.)

[QUOTE]Sex should be something revered and respected because it is (and should be) a very powerful thing, both physically AND emotionally. Take either component out and it is not what it was meant to be. Talk to any woman who has had casual sex and then had sex with someone that she was really in love with and they'll tell you the difference in a heartbeat. Our bodies shouldn't be handed around like candy from those complimentary candy dishes you find on secretaries' desks. People should respect themselves and part of having respect for yourself is knowing that you are special enough to only give what you have to offer to someone that deserves it. It's a hard concept to put into words, but it's something everyone should think about.[/QUOTE]

For some people, yes, sex is a very emotional thing, but again, not for everybody. And I'm not sure how one would take the physical part out of it, but what is "meant to be"? I will agree, however, that sex is better in a relationship, one reason being that you are with a person longer, so you know what makes him or her tick.

As I tried to infer before, if a person does want to sleep around, then why shouldn't they, provided they aren't deceptive and are safe about it? Just because another person thinks they aren't "respecting themselves" doesn't mean he or she should deny him or herself the opportunity to go after what he or she wants.

Also, I never have understood the whole concept of sex being the be-all end-all in relationships. There are so many more enjoyable things in a relationship than sex. If all a person has to offer another is sex, then that's pretty pathetic. Focusing so much on "giving what you have to offer to someone that deserves it", when all it is is sex, defeats the purpose of being in a relationship. Sure, that person might deserve it, but if that's all a person is after, then they are in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. All of this guilt tripping about saving it for somebody special and the like convinces people to get into relationships when all they really want is sex.

If somebody wants sex, then go find somebody to have shack up with. If they want a relationship, then have a relationship. If they want both, then have a relationship and have sex with that person. But don't get into a relationship just to get laid. It's immature and is very hurtful to the person being dated.

Oh great, the damn QUOTE tags didn't work like they do on other message boards. Guess I won't be doing that again.

Sorry that my post looks like crap! :/