Reality TV is better

By: Matt Chiaramonte

Posted: 4/18/08

Man, I love reality TV. It is quite possibly the best television ever created. "The West Wing" was pretty good and "The Office" is decent, but nothing compares to the dramatic and iconic world of "I Love New York 2."

Remember back when MTV and VH1 played music? That sucked. Who needs music when you have "Next"? The executives have finally come to their senses and replaced "Headbangers Ball" with "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila." These geniuses have finally gotten rid of shows like "Behind the Music" and replaced them with gems like "True Life: My Stepmom is a Transvestite Stripper with an Eating Disorder."

Some people might say a show that puts two exes together in a hotel room while their significant others watch them on TV is dumbing down America. I beg to differ. I believe reality TV is great for our intellectual society. What could possibly be more beneficial than a 50-year-old rapper or a 45-year-old rocker playing STD hot potato with 20 blonde strippers from Orange County?

In case you are not familiar with some of these shows, let me help you out. It just would not be fair if everyone didn't have the chance to partake in the glory of reality TV. I will break shows down into three awesome categories. First, there are celebrity dating shows like "Rock of Love" 1 and 2, "I Love New York" 1 and 2, "Flavor of Love" 1, 2 and 3, "A Shot of Love" 1 and 2 and "That's Amore."

These shows take super-interesting D-list celebs and let them find love. Unfortunately, love never really seems to last, thus the second and third seasons. I do not understand how winning pole-dancing contests while being videotaped for VH1 does not make love last forever.

The next category also involves love but does not have the glitz and glamour of celebrities. Let's call this the half-hour avalanche of love category. And trust me, television does not get any better than this. With shows like "Next," "The Ex Effect" and "Exposed," everyday people participate in both intellectually and sexually stimulating games in the name of love. Could anything be more beautiful?

My personal favorite is "Next," where five daters take turns trying to win over the datee. At any point the datee can say "NEXT!" and send the dater away. At the end, the dater who is picked can either take a second date or get paid $1 for every minute he or she has been on the date. And to top it all off, it's scripted. So, it's guaranteed grade-A entertainment.

It is my dream to one day become a contestant and deliver philosophical lines like, "Hi, my name's Nick. I'm 21 and I party in the dark to make ugly girls look better!" Eat your heart out, Socrates.

The final category is made up of non-love but still endlessly entertaining shows. It includes the hard-hitting documentary show "True Life." This show tackles the big problems that affect us all, like I'll do anything for money, I have Tourette 's syndrome, I'm addicted to crystal meth, I'm happy to be fat and, of course, I stutter. But when "True Life" can't help me out enough, I turn to "Made." A girl who just can't fit in at high school gets the help of a life coach to make her prom queen. Never in the history of television, or prom queens, has there been a more tear-jerking and heart-warming story.

But if you ever feel the need to really class it up, look no further than "Yo Momma." If you thought it was fun to tell yo momma jokes with your friends, imagine watching the same thing happening on your TV. But that's not all; it is hosted by American treasure and thespian, Wilmer Valderrama. Behold television at its finest.

After examining the glories of this spectacular genre, it should be impossible for one to not devote entire days to its viewing. So remember, when you're channel surfing instead of doing homework, don't skip past MTV and VH1. Instead, revel in how they capture the human spirit. These shows are the "Masterpiece Theatre" of our generation. I will leave with the words of musician, scholar and reality television superstar, Flavor Flav: "YAAAAAAAA, BOYEEEEE!!!"