Hell freezing over and Easter grass

By: K.C. Vetter

Posted: 4/4/05

It's finally here. The day that all sane people on this campus have been waiting for since Boston swept the Dead Birds ... I mean Red Birds from St. Louis in the 2004 World Series. The Cubs' 2005 season starts today.

And this is the year that Cubs fans have been waiting for since basically before they were born - unless they're "bandwagon fans" who think they're the biggest and most loyal fans; and in that case, they've been waiting for this moment since October 2003.

"Wait 'til next year:" Cubs fans around the world have had to listen to that for years after each disappointing season came to an end and the same teams made the October run every year.

But this year is different. Next year is here. 2005. Any true Cubs fan fully understands the new catchphrase "We blew up the ball, now let's grill the goat." No longer will William Sianis and his pet goat be getting all the blame. After the doors are closed on the 2005 season they will no longer have anyone to blame. The curse will be dead.

A line from one of my favorite books comes to mind: "Once spoken three times, it is established forever." Robin Jones Gunn said this in her book, "As You Wish."

Over the past seven years, three distinct things have happened, all leading up to the fact that this is the year that the Cubs are going to win the World Series.

(Note: This is purely for entertainment only. Although, if they do win the 2005 World Series, I have it in print.)

1. The Paper: In my eighth grade language arts class, we had to write daily journal entries. One of the daily topics was to write about something that we wanted to happen in the world, whether it be in the near future or just something in our lifetime. Surprise, surprise, I wrote that I wanted the Cubs to win the World Series. Despite the 1998 home run race that was coming to an end, I mentioned that they wouldn't win it until Sammy Sosa was no longer wearing a Cubs uniform.

Ask anyone, I have never been a fan of Corky ... I mean Sosa. I don't care how many home runs he hits.

2. The Threat: I'm a Bears fan. Don't get me wrong. Cade McNown is my hero (kidding). But when it comes to the postseason, I'm a Patriots fan. After watching the Patriots take Super Bowl XXXVIII and Tom Brady say he was going to Disney World, I called up my dad. I told him that the Patriots would win the Super Bowl the next year, too. He laughed at me and said that if the Patriots won two Super Bowls in a row then the Cubs would win the World Series.

3. The Shot: About a week ago, two of my friends and I were at the Spencer Recreation Center playing basketball. If you have ever watched me play then you probably ended up crying at some point because you would've been laughing so hard. I'm terrible. We were shooting free throws and I think I came close to hitting the rim about three times. After missing, well, all of them, I decided to try something. I said that if I made the next shot then the Cubs would win the World Series this year. Nothing but net.

My friends didn't believe me. They made me go best out of three for this one. Needless to say, the second shot didn't even come close. But the third one looked like that "questionable" at the buzzer shot by University of Kentucky in the Michigan State University game.

Let's put all three together shall we? Sosa is gone, the Patriots won Super Bowl XXXIX and I somehow managed to make two out of three free throws. Coincidence that this all happened leading up to the same Cubs season? I don't think so.

So let's face it - hell is finally going to freeze over. But don't worry, you'll be kept warm because Easter grass lines the floors of hell (think tinsel but in pastels). And no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, there will always be pieces that you missed. Just like Cubs fans; no matter how much our team loses and no matter how many years we go without winning a championship, you will still be able to find a Cubs fan no matter where you go.