2008 Woodie Awards
The perils of pudding wrestling
Jeff Henderson
Issue date: 4/4/08 Section: Opinion
Today's summer planning lesson is how to combine an inflatable pool, your friends that are in a band, open outdoor space, big lights and the necessity you are all waiting for me to say: 175 lbs. of chocolate pudding.
In a tradition unlike any other, for the past three years I have gathered all my friends to host an event perhaps more memorable than the thrill of skydiving, going to outer space, getting married, having kids, etc . . . It was me and my friends' annual chocolate pudding wrestling party.
But before deciding to have one of your own, I feel obligated to inform you how to harness this force appropriately. When dealing with the lost art of pudding wrestling, word gets out, odd people show up and weird things happen. Even if you are in Illinois, don't be surprised if, during the tussle of wrestling, you are hassled by some raving, chocolate-covered lunatic you later find out was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Luckily, that was not a problem for me, but I've had my fair share of odd occurrences.
One time, car stereo enthusiasts parked their cars near other car stereo enthusiasts and opened their trunks, exposing massive sound systems. They cranked their subs at decibels that could feasibly force the deceased to wear earplugs. Of course, this would only occur after the vibrations of the subs bring them back to life. But to the credit of the "sub-blasters," this was only done after the band quit, which I thought could have had a splendid contrast for the party if the five or six cars weren't all simultaneously blasting different songs.
Another peculiar scenario is getting complaints from people who are bleeding from the nose after the piercing they received from a drunk at your party was insufficiently performed. If so, you may have questions like these for your bloody guest: 1) Someone set up a piercing station at a party and you let them pierce your nose? 2) Are you brain dead?
I decided to go over to the particular pickup truck of this alleged operation to see for myself. I was confident that no one in their right, or even majorly inebriated, mind would do something so off.
In a tradition unlike any other, for the past three years I have gathered all my friends to host an event perhaps more memorable than the thrill of skydiving, going to outer space, getting married, having kids, etc . . . It was me and my friends' annual chocolate pudding wrestling party.
But before deciding to have one of your own, I feel obligated to inform you how to harness this force appropriately. When dealing with the lost art of pudding wrestling, word gets out, odd people show up and weird things happen. Even if you are in Illinois, don't be surprised if, during the tussle of wrestling, you are hassled by some raving, chocolate-covered lunatic you later find out was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Luckily, that was not a problem for me, but I've had my fair share of odd occurrences.
One time, car stereo enthusiasts parked their cars near other car stereo enthusiasts and opened their trunks, exposing massive sound systems. They cranked their subs at decibels that could feasibly force the deceased to wear earplugs. Of course, this would only occur after the vibrations of the subs bring them back to life. But to the credit of the "sub-blasters," this was only done after the band quit, which I thought could have had a splendid contrast for the party if the five or six cars weren't all simultaneously blasting different songs.
Another peculiar scenario is getting complaints from people who are bleeding from the nose after the piercing they received from a drunk at your party was insufficiently performed. If so, you may have questions like these for your bloody guest: 1) Someone set up a piercing station at a party and you let them pierce your nose? 2) Are you brain dead?
I decided to go over to the particular pickup truck of this alleged operation to see for myself. I was confident that no one in their right, or even majorly inebriated, mind would do something so off.
Be the first to comment on this story