2008 Woodie Awards
Check out some weird inventions
Jeff Henderson
Issue date: 4/18/08 Section: Opinion
Are you sick of having to walk into the kitchen to feed your pet or get a beer from the fridge? Do you wonder how you can get that sexy, slender butt without going to the gym? Do you refuse to admit how lazy you are because it would require the use of vocal cords?
You are in luck. Inventors have found ways for the slothful to accomplish such tasks with some amazingly ridiculous inventions. These actual devices attempt to prevent our most frustrating hardships - having to walk into the kitchen for beer, invoking muscle movement or having to wake up from a nap.
This first invention gives you the opportunity to tone your buttocks by simply walking around. Patented in 1998, the Butt Master is worn as underpants and apparently tones your buns. And for those who need to perk up that bottom, do not fear. The Wonder Butt Bra is the newest "wonder." This is perhaps the latest from Cosmo Kramer's clothing line, being a progression of his famous bro - the bra for men who need upper support.
Next up is the Butt/Face Soap. The brown side that says "butt" is for your derriere - the white side that says "face" is not. (Note to future inventors: it appears inventions involving butts may not be the way to go.)
OK, putting the rear end genre ass-side, the 1999-patented Keg Head could catch on soon. This mini-keg molds perfectly to your head, allowing you to drink without moving. A party must, it can also be used sitting on your couch, doing homework, while at family reunions, church, etc. But if you do take it to a party, make sure when asking the girls, "Can I top you off?" you don't stutter: "Can I off your top?" Also, be sure to show them what the Butt Master has done for you.
Let's conjure the most random idea possible for spending $15 on a toy. Despite hard thought, our answers probably won't end up being an Electronic Yodeling Pickle. To figure out exactly what this is, read their promotion for yourself: "When you press the pickle's button, it belts out a melodious yodel that will make you think you're in the Swiss Alps listening to a yodeling pickle." Let's just move on.
You are in luck. Inventors have found ways for the slothful to accomplish such tasks with some amazingly ridiculous inventions. These actual devices attempt to prevent our most frustrating hardships - having to walk into the kitchen for beer, invoking muscle movement or having to wake up from a nap.
This first invention gives you the opportunity to tone your buttocks by simply walking around. Patented in 1998, the Butt Master is worn as underpants and apparently tones your buns. And for those who need to perk up that bottom, do not fear. The Wonder Butt Bra is the newest "wonder." This is perhaps the latest from Cosmo Kramer's clothing line, being a progression of his famous bro - the bra for men who need upper support.
Next up is the Butt/Face Soap. The brown side that says "butt" is for your derriere - the white side that says "face" is not. (Note to future inventors: it appears inventions involving butts may not be the way to go.)
OK, putting the rear end genre ass-side, the 1999-patented Keg Head could catch on soon. This mini-keg molds perfectly to your head, allowing you to drink without moving. A party must, it can also be used sitting on your couch, doing homework, while at family reunions, church, etc. But if you do take it to a party, make sure when asking the girls, "Can I top you off?" you don't stutter: "Can I off your top?" Also, be sure to show them what the Butt Master has done for you.
Let's conjure the most random idea possible for spending $15 on a toy. Despite hard thought, our answers probably won't end up being an Electronic Yodeling Pickle. To figure out exactly what this is, read their promotion for yourself: "When you press the pickle's button, it belts out a melodious yodel that will make you think you're in the Swiss Alps listening to a yodeling pickle." Let's just move on.
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