2008 Woodie Awards
Pornography award show is ridiculous
Cody Boland
Issue date: 4/30/08 Section: Opinion
I was at my computer with the television on in the background, and here appeared to be an award show playing. Best female performance, best male performance, best anal … what? I seemed to have stumbled upon the AVN awards, otherwise known as the Adult Video News awards, which, although originally taking place Jan. 12, have been repeatedly airing on Showtime for the joy of all late-night residence hall dwellers.
Yes, it seems that Showtime took time off from airing profane, sexually charged late-night movies in favor of profane, sexually charged awards shows. I hope I am speaking for a large enough demographic when I say, "awesome." Porn is a fun thing, so an award show dedicated to the best of porn would have to better than the first time somebody discovers the Internet is for more than just research.
With this in mind, I gleefully turned my head to the television to see what I was sure would be a wonderful show.
Thirty seconds in, I realized a flaw in my plan. It was an awards show, and like all awards shows it was full of pompous individuals who put too much stock into what they do. All awards shows follow the same format. The first step is to have one group of people introduce the other group of people who will be introducing the nominees. The AVN awards were no different here, except in this case the people introduced had names that only a 5th grader would find funny, and wore something that resembled the contents of a can of silly string.
The other awards show clichés were in full force. Everybody had the same people to thank. Producers and other performers were getting constant recognition, although thanking their parents and God was noticeably absent. How very curious.
The categories were quite silly as well. Best gonzo? Figure out what that one means, but not for too long - you could go blind that way. I also couldn't help but wonder about the prestigious best supporting actor. It probably goes to the guy who made his mark, in more ways than one, but was not quite good enough to capture the spotlight.
Yes, it seems that Showtime took time off from airing profane, sexually charged late-night movies in favor of profane, sexually charged awards shows. I hope I am speaking for a large enough demographic when I say, "awesome." Porn is a fun thing, so an award show dedicated to the best of porn would have to better than the first time somebody discovers the Internet is for more than just research.
With this in mind, I gleefully turned my head to the television to see what I was sure would be a wonderful show.
Thirty seconds in, I realized a flaw in my plan. It was an awards show, and like all awards shows it was full of pompous individuals who put too much stock into what they do. All awards shows follow the same format. The first step is to have one group of people introduce the other group of people who will be introducing the nominees. The AVN awards were no different here, except in this case the people introduced had names that only a 5th grader would find funny, and wore something that resembled the contents of a can of silly string.
The other awards show clichés were in full force. Everybody had the same people to thank. Producers and other performers were getting constant recognition, although thanking their parents and God was noticeably absent. How very curious.
The categories were quite silly as well. Best gonzo? Figure out what that one means, but not for too long - you could go blind that way. I also couldn't help but wonder about the prestigious best supporting actor. It probably goes to the guy who made his mark, in more ways than one, but was not quite good enough to capture the spotlight.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 4
Robster
posted 4/30/08 @ 1:34 PM CST
Who won the award for best anal scene?
bee
posted 4/30/08 @ 6:23 PM CST
The term "broken home" still exists in 2008? I'm thinking Igolima Amachree would sh!t in your hat if he heard you say that. Same goes for "out of wedlock". (Continued…)
AngelD
posted 5/01/08 @ 2:50 AM CST
I suppose porn has its place, I just don't have a place for it in my life...never found it interesting in the slightest and though I can deal with a sex scene in a GOOD movie with a GOOD storying and GOOD acting, that's pretty much lacking in porn. (Continued…)
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